The Promised Land

 "....to a land flowing with milk and honey"

"Have faint."

"We can do it!"

"...for I will be with you whithersoever thou goest"

Exactly what I needed to hear. 🙏

Close to YOU

Last weekend, a song I knew from eons ago—like 3 decades and more— suddenly popped up in my mind.  So I went to YouTube to listen to it while folding the newly laundered clothes.  It surprised me how after 3 decades of not hearing the song, I still knew EVERY WORD of it—that I was able to sing along without even pausing to recall the lyrics.  The words just came out effortlessly, like it's as easy as ABC.  

 

To think that I couldn't trust my memory anymore, sometimes, since I keep forgetting some things that just happened and even some lyrics of some more-recent-than-3-decades popular songs I memorized before.  I guess it's true that the heart remembers what the mind forgets.  This song, I'm certain now, was absorbed by the heart.

 

 

CLOSE TO YOU

Tricia Amper

 

I need to understand

Your perfecgt will

Your perfect plan for me

In my life, my Lord

Help me to be strong

Lord, I need to know where I belong

Stay with me, I need to get back

 

Chorus:

Close to You

I’m so afraid to walk alone

I’m needing You

To carry me and make me see

That You will always care

 

Lord, I have lost my way

But now I find myself

I’m here to stay with You

To serve You more, oh Lord

You’re the one I need

If my life is all that I can give

Take it, Lord, I need to get back

 

(Repeat Chorus)

 

 

PS.  But why did it have to make me cry buckets while repeatedly singing my heart out to it while driving on my way home?  Or is it just the hormones?

Selenophile

Talking to the moon
Tryna get to you
In hopes you're on the other side talking to me too
Or am I a fool who sits alone talking to the moon?

Ah, ah, ah
Do you ever hear me calling?
(Ah) oh-oh-oh (ah), oh-oh-oh (ah)

Life with Magz Series: Motorcyle Accident

Yeah, got into accident with a motorcyle.  There were 2 people on it––both men.  Hay.  It was a shocking experience 'coz I've been really careful especially with motor vehicles and bikes, 'coz they're not protected.  They have no shield.  Anything that could happen, bodies na nila ung makakareceive ng impact.  What I'm really ultra thankful for was that there was no incoming vehicle when we crashed and they fell, 'coz if there had been, I dunnoh what I would've done.  Baka bibisitahin na lng ako sa kulungan ng mga kamag-anak ko though I wasn't entirely at fault.  

HAY.  Hay tlga.  Thank You, Lord, for being there and still protecting us despite the accident.  Thank You we're still alive.  Thank You that the motorists were fine despite some scratches and bruises.  Thank You we're all good in the car––the newborn, Lenlen who just gave birth a couple of days ago and her husband.  I've been quite reckless, I admit.  I also don't know why I always drive like I'm in a rush and for that, I'm partly at fault.  But they shouldn't have been there, yet they were.  Why did they have to overtake when I was going to take a U-turn?  I signaled, but they said I didn't.  If only there had been a CCTV.  Hay, Lord.  I don't care anymore whose fault it was.  What's important is we're all safe and alive.  THANK YOU.

Oh, and yeah, thank you blogspot.  With you, I can share things I'd rather not tell the whole world.  With you, I can tell stories I want to hide from socmed.    With you, I can "hide" yet still be open just the same.  I dunnoh if you get what I mean but yeah, thank you.

THANK YOUUUUUUU!!!

“Kawatan” Indeed

So today marks our Autumn in Europe trip.  I’m currently here in Marhaba Lounge in Dubai, waiting for our connecting flight to Amsterdam.  Funny how I managed to sneak my way to the lounge without my actual Priority Pass.  Ninja moves for the win.  😄  Dad would’ve called me “kawatan” again had he been with me.  Bad girl!

P.S.  First time I noticed this Journal app in Iphone so yeah, got curious and tried it.

Sept 7, 2024

Wonderwall

🎵 There are many things that I would like to say to you, but I don't know how. 🎵

7 years ago

The gentle brush of the wind on your hair and skin.  The rustle of the leaves as the wind whispers.  Birds chirping.  Dogs barking.  Oh, the little things that liven up a small-town girl.

Whut?

Real love.  Shall it keep you?  Or shall it let you go?

Wake Me Up When September Comes

Days whizzing past me by so fast I just woke up one day easily getting tired of work and things when it feels like it was just yesterday that I could easily and tirelessly juggle 5 balls at the same time.  Now I tire faster, and as hard as it is to admit, get pissed faster as well.  Aging sucks.  Big time.

These past months gusto ko na lang talagang maging Disney princess.  Hahaha.  So I wouldn’t have to work.  Kaya lang Princess Sarah ang achieve na achieve ngayon.  Yung panahon na wala na syang tatay at kelangan nyang kumayod para mabuhay. Ganern! 

Hay.  Sobrang pagod lang siguro tlga eto I need to rest.  If only I could just wake up when September comes,  I really want to skip the 1st half review and 2nd half planning, the hustle-and-bustle of Cisco's quarter- and fiscal year-end and the planning again that comes after.

Oh, boy.  Can you just wake me up when September comes?

You = Me

You. You who always want to fix the broken but ends up getting broken yourself. 

You. You who have learned too well by now. 

You. Oh, you. Can I just say that I'm proud of what you've become?

"We're only gettin' older, baby

And I've been thinkin' about it lately
Does it ever drive you crazy
Just how fast the night changes?
Everything that you've ever dreamed of
Disappearing when you wake up
But there's nothing to be afraid of
Even when the night changes
It will never change me and you"

Life with Magz Series: First Ticket

The inner lane.  That's where you'll mostly find me when I'm in the streets.  It's the fastest way, and I have little-to-none patience when it comes to driving.  And that short patience somehow scares me.

Anyway, I went out on a public holiday to submit documents.  As usual, I was taking the inner lane, even though there was no traffic.  Little did I know that at the end of the flyover were policemen working on a holiday, catching motor vehicle (MV) violators using the bus lane––which happens to be the inner lane in some parts of the metro.  It was too late to change lanes; they already spotted me, plus there's a blue MV to my right blocking my way.

So there.  I was issued my first violation––disregarding traffic signs (with notes at the bottom that read: unauthorized passing of MV through busway)–with a penalty of 5k.  Crap.  5k for a first offense.  Crap again.

But maybe that's a good thing 'coz I've been inclined to live a life where I can brush off minor rules because I know I can almost always get away with it.  And this is a good reminder for me that there's a price to pay for not minding them.

That changed my perspective.

But, I dunno, I guess the heavens love me too much it still kinda worked in my favor for I was only asked to pay 1,010 when I was retrieving my license.  Lol.  I guess the staff didn't read the whole violation and so what's put on record was only the 'disregarding traffic signs,' which costs only that amount.  

I never thought I'd be this ultra grateful for someone else's lapses.  Hahaha.  To that encoder, you just don't know how thankful I was for your mistake. 😁

To Magz, cheers to your first appearance in a public video.  Lol.  But sorry just the same that it had to be that way.  🙈😁

No worries.  I learned my lesson. 😁

Every Now and Then

I think that the worst is through 
I'm almost over you 
I guess it was just a matter of time 
I've started going out 
How long can anybody go without 
Before you start goin' out of your mind 
Even so, I confess 
THERE ARE TIMES WHEN MY HEART RULES OVER MY HEAD

Every now and then 
I find myself wondering about you baby 
Seems now and again 
I can't escape the thought of all that 
might have been 
Every now and then 

Morning's the hardest time 
I wake up dreamin' 'bout you and I 
Some days I can't remember them all 
Evenings are painful still 
I can't help wondering if they always 
will be 
I can't help noticing this emptiness- 
baby 
I don't cry, every night 
Just the ones when I feel like I feel tonight 

Every now and then 
I find myself wondering about you baby 
Seems now and again 
I can't escape the thought of all that 
might have been 
Every now and then 

When I'm alone anytime I hear music play 
When I reach, reach for the phone 
Why does everything good 
Make me think of you baby 

Every now and then 
I find myself wondering about you baby 
Seems now and again 
I can't escape the thought of all that 
might have been 
Every now and then

Paradox

Sa pagpikit nitong mga mata ko lang kita nakikita.  Doon lang.  Hanggang doon lang nga ba talaga?

An Allegory of the Sweetest Downfall

I was safe in the harbor, enjoying the peace and quiet, until the waves started calling me.  I listened intently, everyday, to the waves singing tunes that were sweet to the ears.  Songs I yearned to hear.  I listened, oblivious of the fact that I was falling in love with the sound of it.  So I drew nearer and nearer to the waves, bare feet kissing the foam and loving its feel.  So I kept walking towards it with the water turning ankle-deep, then knee-deep, waist...on and on I went.  It was when the waters had reached my neck and the waves had started to choke me that I came to my senses and remembered one thing—I don't know how to swim.  Fear encompassed me.  But I LOVE THE WATER so I tried to stay, despite the struggles and all.  Until that time I became tired staying afloat.  One can only take so much.  The waves nearly drowned me.  The struggles became harder and harder each day I had to go away.  To free myself.  The waves withdrew, too.  I took a step or two backwards, 'coz I had to, each day,  'til I was back in the safe harbor.

The love for the water is still there, yet no matter the love, I couldn't stay in the water forever.   

So I just look at the water and the waves from a distance.  I guess there are things that you can only love just from afar. 

October 27, 2017

Yet again

Oh, the journey that seems forever to take.  Will I ever reach the end of the road which is also the beginning of a new one?  In this lifetime?

Jaded

What is love, really?

One moment it takes you to Cloud 9, to dreamworld, to the highest of highs, to the heavens, and before you know it, it starts hurting you like hell....that you begin to ask yourself, is it worth having after all?

Lucky are those who found true love and kept it.  By saying that, I don't mean that everything's perfect--that there are no arguments, no misunderstandings, no hurts, no pains, no bad days.  But perfect love surpasses all.  Only love can be perfect.  Not the persons, not the circumstances.

I used to believe in forever.  Just forever.  And then life opens your eyes to the kind of love the majority of the real world has--unexclusive; shared for those taken, even "knotted".  And suddenly, forever's not just enough.  So you elevate your thinking and finally settled for "happily ever after".  'Coz not all taken are happy.  Not all married are happy.  Not all forevers are happy.

So what is love, really?

For Christians like me, love is described best in 1 Corinthians 13:4-7.  "4 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres."

And then I think, apart from the love of God for us, can anyone be capable of giving such kind?  Can a mortal love you like that?  Or can you?  Maybe to some, yes.  But me?  Aaaaah....

And then I go back to what I used to think--that (I guess) love isn't meant for me just as I am not meant for love.

Helpless

You know the feeling of letting go of a feeling that shouldn't be?  It's like freeing a beautiful bird and watching it fly--when deep down inside, all you wanna do is to keep it.

Somewhere Out There

Came across this verse upon last night's ODB (Our Daily Bread) reading - an answer to an underlying question that's been haunting someone for decades.

Habakkuk 2:3 KJV
[3] For the vision is yet for an appointed time, but at the end it shall speak, and not lie: though it tarry, wait for it; because it will surely come, it will not tarry.

While this song brought with it hope...

Somewhere out there,
Beneath the pale moonlight,
Someone's thinking of me,
And loving me tonight.

Somewhere out there,
Someone's saying a prayer,
That we'll find one another,
In that big somewhere out there.

And even though I know how very far apart we are,
It helps to think we might be wishing on the same bright star,
And when the night wind starts to sing a lonesome lullaby,
It helps to think we're sleeping underneath the same big sky!

Somewhere out there,
If love can see us through,
Then we'll be together,
Somewhere out there,
Out where dreams come true...

FIX ME

Can you fix someone when you're broken, too?

FIX YOU by Coldplay

When you try your best but you don't succeed

When you get what you want, but not what you need

When you feel so tired, but you can't sleep

Stuck in reverse

And the tears come streaming down your face

When you lose something you can't replace

When you love someone but it goes to waste

Could it be worse?

*Lights will guide you home,

And ignite your bones,

And I will try to fix you

High up above or down below

When you're too in love to let it go

But if you never try you'll never know

Just what you're worth

(Repeat *)

Tears stream down your face

When you lose something you cannot replace

Tears stream down your face and I

Tears stream down your face

I promise you I will learn from my mistakes

Tears stream down your face and I

(Repeat *)

thoughts on the last hump day of May 2012

realized just now that doing this thing is like climbing a "palosebo" - getting the flag isn't easy.  either the pole is too high or i'm just not efficient.  but other people can do it.  so maybe it's the latter.  i dunnoh.  i dunnoh anymore.  all i know is that i'm tired of trying. :(