Can you visit me?  Kahit sa panaginip lang….

Oh, to be carefree again!

Tangled in a web of mental clutter and chaos, deafened not just by the outside noise but also by the relentless mental chatter, drowned in the to-dos and overwhelmed by the must-dos, I escaped life, momentarily, not only to save myself, but more so to live life.

And in that fleeting silence, where deadlines held no power and expectations lost their grip, I began to breathe again—not just the automatic breath of survival, but the slow, conscious inhale of the presence.  I sat with the stillness, awkward at first, like meeting a stranger I once knew but had forgotten how to greet.

Thoughts still came, but I watched them pass without clinging.  Some wore masks of urgency, others whispered guilt.  I let them float.  In that space, I wasn't what I had to do.  I wasn't what I failed to finish.  I was simply here—enough, for now.

And maybe that was the beginning of truly living—not in the escaping, but in the return.  And perhaps that was all I ever need.  For now.

04.2025 ︱ QLD & NSW, AU

Heaven Knows (This Angel Has Flown)

I was meaning to write an open letter to you, but then I came across this one online which mirrors what I feel and what I have in mind.  And so I'll just share this but first, happy 80th birthday to you!  You're a man of action who love this country so much you're willing to risk your life for it noong una pa lang.  Ang hirap mahalin ng Pinas, sa totoo lang, so I couldn't quite grasp your profound love for our country and for that, saludo ako sayo.  Sobra.  No wonder why we, most Filipinos, love you with the same ardor.

*************

Dear Sir PRRD, 

Today, many tributes and kind words will be written about you—not only because you are an exceptional person and an outstanding leader, but because you mean so much to so many of us.

For decades, you have become an icon, a symbol of hope and justice for law-abiding citizens who long for peace and security, safe from the criminal elements that once plagued our streets before your leadership.

Many false narratives have been written and spoken about you, but nothing can change or erase the personal experiences of ordinary Filipinos with you as a leader—from your time as mayor, to congressman, and finally, president.

At times, it might have seemed easier to surrender to the well-funded propaganda machines, but when we see your frail body and the effort in your steps, we are reminded of your unyielding spirit to fight for the Filipino people.

You threw caution to the wind, boldly calling out a government riddled with corruption, despite the risks involved. 

Your resolve and courage ignited the attention of a nation that had grown complacent, stirring them to notice that, over the past few years, we’ve been in a downward spiral.

You saved a nation on the brink of falling back into the control of the communist pests you had once rendered powerless.

Then, they took you from us—disregarding your health and the illegality of their actions, driven by greed and intoxicated by power.

Your 80th birthday would have been a milestone—a celebration you had always wished to share with your family, your grandchildren, and all the children from the orphanages and charitable institutions that you hold dear.

Sir, those who have worked closely with you carry a different kind of pain today. If only those who criticize us could have experienced what it’s like to work with you, they would understand that you are not just a leader, but the gentlest, kindest, and most humorous person in any room.

Losing someone like Rodrigo Duterte is incredibly hard because you are a rare combination of intellect, humor, and kindness.

As your staff, we can only cherish the good and happy times we shared with you. But, as your favorite passage from the Bible says, there is a time for everything.

Today may be a quiet and simple birthday, but wherever in the world we are, our celebrations will turn green in your honor, sending waves of joy, love, and healing your way.

Please accept our collective hug as we wish you a Happy 80th Birthday, Sir. We love you so much. 

*************

Prison Break

It maddens me to have the other countries try the only president who, in my existence and in most people's opinion, truly served my country.  They just don't have ANY right not just because of the jurisdiction but also because they have NEVER tried living here in my homeland even for just a short span of time, and experience firsthand what it really is like to live here.  All they can see are the news and the evidence that will be presented but they never felt how it is to be always on guard when you're out in the night.  They never felt the frustration and hatred of how the government system works here, not to mention the health care system too.  The corruption is just too much it's making me dislike my own land.

So PLEASE, heavens, bring home the person who made us feel safe and protected even for just a time.  If truly the end doesn't justify the means, just let him be put on a trial HERE.

And to you, Sir.  Hay.  Naiiyak talaga ko.  My heart bled for you SO MUCH I cried myself to sleep on that night of March 11 when you were forcibly taken away.  :((  Since then, wala na ko ginawa before I sleep but to search for any updates about you.  Nahihilo na ko sa puyat.  Every time I go online, ikaw na lng hinahanap ko.  Ang saket ng puso ko talaga pag naiisip ka.  I know, hindi mo naman ako personally kilala pero bat ako nasasaktan din ng ganto?  :( Sana makabalik ka na here, sa lalong madaling panahon, nang buhay at maayos. :((

Minsan, naiisip ko na lng din si Michael Scofield.  Gusto ko hanapin na lng din sya.  Papatulong ako sa kanya at itatakas kita jan.  Haha.  Huhu.

Midnight grumbles

Hindi ko makita ung big picture….

Ayoko na magwork.  Napapagod ako.  Ung utak ko, parang nagbubuhat ng isang drum.  Andaming iniisip.  Andaming kelangang isipin pa.  Andaming kelangang gawin.

Gusto ko lang muna walang iisipin.  Gusto ko lang muna matulog, magpahinga, yung wala talagang iniisip na trabaho—mga isang buwan, or tatlo, or isang taon—pero kumikita pa rin para pambayad ng lupa, pagkain ng limang tao, monthly dues….na hindi nagagalaw ang savings.  Pwede ba ung ganun na lang?  May ganun ba?  Ganun na lang sana.

Eto pinoproblema ko samantalang si ex-PRRD naaresto at 79 y/o!!!  Parang biglang nawalan ako ng karapatang umiyak.

The Promised Land

 "....to a land flowing with milk and honey"

"Have faith."

"We can do it!"

"...for I will be with you whithersoever thou goest"

Exactly what I needed to hear. 🙏

Close to YOU

Last weekend, a song I knew from eons ago—like 3 decades and more— suddenly popped up in my mind.  So I went to YouTube to listen to it while folding the newly laundered clothes.  It surprised me how after 3 decades of not hearing the song, I still knew EVERY WORD of it—that I was able to sing along without even pausing to recall the lyrics.  The words just came out effortlessly, like it's as easy as ABC.  

 

To think that I couldn't trust my memory anymore, sometimes, since I keep forgetting some things that just happened and even some lyrics of some more-recent-than-3-decades popular songs I memorized before.  I guess it's true that the heart remembers what the mind forgets.  This song, I'm certain now, was absorbed by the heart.

 

 

CLOSE TO YOU

Tricia Amper

 

I need to understand

Your perfecgt will

Your perfect plan for me

In my life, my Lord

Help me to be strong

Lord, I need to know where I belong

Stay with me, I need to get back

 

Chorus:

Close to You

I’m so afraid to walk alone

I’m needing You

To carry me and make me see

That You will always care

 

Lord, I have lost my way

But now I find myself

I’m here to stay with You

To serve You more, oh Lord

You’re the one I need

If my life is all that I can give

Take it, Lord, I need to get back

 

(Repeat Chorus)

 

 

PS.  But why did it have to make me cry buckets while repeatedly singing my heart out to it while driving on my way home?  Or is it just the hormones?