“Kawatan” Indeed

So today marks our Autumn in Europe trip.  I’m currently here in Marhaba Lounge in Dubai, waiting for our connecting flight to Amsterdam.  Funny how I managed to sneak my way to the lounge without my actual Priority Pass.  Ninja moves for the win.  😄  Dad would’ve called me “kawatan” again had he been with me.  Bad girl!

P.S.  First time I noticed this Journal app in Iphone so yeah, got curious and tried it.

Sept 7, 2024

Wonderwall

🎵 There are many things that I would like to say to you, but I don't know how. 🎵

7 years ago

The gentle brush of the wind on your hair and skin.  The rustle of the leaves as the wind whispers.  Birds chirping.  Dogs barking.  Oh, the little things that liven up a small-town girl.

Whut?

Real love.  Shall it keep you?  Or shall it let you go?

Wake Me Up When September Comes

Days whizzing past me by so fast I just woke up one day easily getting tired of work and things when it feels like it was just yesterday that I could easily and tirelessly juggle 5 balls at the same time.  Now I tire faster, and as hard as it is to admit, get pissed faster as well.  Aging sucks.  Big time.

These past months gusto ko na lang talagang maging Disney princess.  Hahaha.  So I wouldn’t have to work.  Kaya lang Princess Sarah ang achieve na achieve ngayon.  Yung panahon na wala na syang tatay at kelangan nyang kumayod para mabuhay. Ganern! 

Hay.  Sobrang pagod lang siguro tlga eto I need to rest.  If only I could just wake up when September comes,  I really want to skip the 1st half review and 2nd half planning, the hustle-and-bustle of Cisco's quarter- and fiscal year-end and the planning again that comes after.

Oh, boy.  Can you just wake me up when September comes?

You = Me

You. You who always want to fix the broken but ends up getting broken yourself. 

You. You who have learned too well by now. 

You. Oh, you. Can I just say that I'm proud of what you've become?

"We're only gettin' older, baby

And I've been thinkin' about it lately
Does it ever drive you crazy
Just how fast the night changes?
Everything that you've ever dreamed of
Disappearing when you wake up
But there's nothing to be afraid of
Even when the night changes
It will never change me and you"

Life with Magz Series: First Ticket

The inner lane.  That's where you'll mostly find me when I'm in the streets.  It's the fastest way, and I have little-to-none patience when it comes to driving.  And that short patience somehow scares me.

Anyway, I went out on a public holiday to submit documents.  As usual, I was taking the inner lane, even though there was no traffic.  Little did I know that at the end of the flyover were policemen working on a holiday, catching motor vehicle (MV) violators using the bus lane––which happens to be the inner lane in some parts of the metro.  It was too late to change lanes; they already spotted me, plus there's a blue MV to my right blocking my way.

So there.  I was issued my first violation––disregarding traffic signs (with notes at the bottom that read: unauthorized passing of MV through busway)–with a penalty of 5k.  Crap.  5k for a first offense.  Crap again.

But maybe that's a good thing 'coz I've been inclined to live a life where I can brush off minor rules because I know I can almost always get away with it.  And this is a good reminder for me that there's a price to pay for not minding them.

That changed my perspective.

But, I dunno, I guess the heavens love me too much it still kinda worked in my favor for I was only asked to pay 1,010 when I was retrieving my license.  Lol.  I guess the staff didn't read the whole violation and so what's put on record was only the 'disregarding traffic signs,' which costs only that amount.  

I never thought I'd be this ultra grateful for someone else's lapses.  Hahaha.  To that encoder, you just don't know how thankful I was for your mistake. 😁

To Magz, cheers to your first appearance in a public video.  Lol.  But sorry just the same that it had to be that way.  🙈😁

No worries.  I learned my lesson. 😁

Every Now and Then

I think that the worst is through 
I'm almost over you 
I guess it was just a matter of time 
I've started going out 
How long can anybody go without 
Before you start goin' out of your mind 
Even so, I confess 
THERE ARE TIMES WHEN MY HEART RULES OVER MY HEAD

Every now and then 
I find myself wondering about you baby 
Seems now and again 
I can't escape the thought of all that 
might have been 
Every now and then 

Morning's the hardest time 
I wake up dreamin' 'bout you and I 
Some days I can't remember them all 
Evenings are painful still 
I can't help wondering if they always 
will be 
I can't help noticing this emptiness- 
baby 
I don't cry, every night 
Just the ones when I feel like I feel tonight 

Every now and then 
I find myself wondering about you baby 
Seems now and again 
I can't escape the thought of all that 
might have been 
Every now and then 

When I'm alone anytime I hear music play 
When I reach, reach for the phone 
Why does everything good 
Make me think of you baby 

Every now and then 
I find myself wondering about you baby 
Seems now and again 
I can't escape the thought of all that 
might have been 
Every now and then

Paradox

Sa pagpikit nitong mga mata ko lang kita nakikita.  Doon lang.  Hanggang doon lang nga ba talaga?

An Allegory of the Sweetest Downfall

I was safe in the harbor, enjoying the peace and quiet, until the waves started calling me.  I listened intently, everyday, to the waves singing tunes that were sweet to the ears.  Songs I yearned to hear.  I listened, oblivious of the fact that I was falling in love with the sound of it.  So I drew nearer and nearer to the waves, bare feet kissing the foam and loving its feel.  So I kept walking towards it with the water turning ankle-deep, then knee-deep, waist...on and on I went.  It was when the waters had reached my neck and the waves had started to choke me that I came to my senses and remembered one thing—I don't know how to swim.  Fear encompassed me.  But I LOVE THE WATER so I tried to stay, despite the struggles and all.  Until that time I became tired staying afloat.  One can only take so much.  The waves nearly drowned me.  The struggles became harder and harder each day I had to go away.  To free myself.  The waves withdrew, too.  I took a step or two backwards, 'coz I had to, each day,  'til I was back in the safe harbor.

The love for the water is still there, yet no matter the love, I couldn't stay in the water forever.   

So I just look at the water and the waves from a distance.  I guess there are things that you can only love just from afar. 

October 27, 2017

Yet again

Oh, the journey that seems forever to take.  Will I ever reach the end of the road which is also the beginning of a new one?  In this lifetime?

Jaded

What is love, really?

One moment it takes you to Cloud 9, to dreamworld, to the highest of highs, to the heavens, and before you know it, it starts hurting you like hell....that you begin to ask yourself, is it worth having after all?

Lucky are those who found true love and kept it.  By saying that, I don't mean that everything's perfect--that there are no arguments, no misunderstandings, no hurts, no pains, no bad days.  But perfect love surpasses all.  Only love can be perfect.  Not the persons, not the circumstances.

I used to believe in forever.  Just forever.  And then life opens your eyes to the kind of love the majority of the real world has--unexclusive; shared for those taken, even "knotted".  And suddenly, forever's not just enough.  So you elevate your thinking and finally settled for "happily ever after".  'Coz not all taken are happy.  Not all married are happy.  Not all forevers are happy.

So what is love, really?

For Christians like me, love is described best in 1 Corinthians 13:4-7.  "4 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres."

And then I think, apart from the love of God for us, can anyone be capable of giving such kind?  Can a mortal love you like that?  Or can you?  Maybe to some, yes.  But me?  Aaaaah....

And then I go back to what I used to think--that (I guess) love isn't meant for me just as I am not meant for love.

Helpless

You know the feeling of letting go of a feeling that shouldn't be?  It's like freeing a beautiful bird and watching it fly--when deep down inside, all you wanna do is to keep it.

Somewhere Out There

Came across this verse upon last night's ODB (Our Daily Bread) reading - an answer to an underlying question that's been haunting someone for decades.

Habakkuk 2:3 KJV
[3] For the vision is yet for an appointed time, but at the end it shall speak, and not lie: though it tarry, wait for it; because it will surely come, it will not tarry.

While this song brought with it hope...

Somewhere out there,
Beneath the pale moonlight,
Someone's thinking of me,
And loving me tonight.

Somewhere out there,
Someone's saying a prayer,
That we'll find one another,
In that big somewhere out there.

And even though I know how very far apart we are,
It helps to think we might be wishing on the same bright star,
And when the night wind starts to sing a lonesome lullaby,
It helps to think we're sleeping underneath the same big sky!

Somewhere out there,
If love can see us through,
Then we'll be together,
Somewhere out there,
Out where dreams come true...

FIX ME

Can you fix someone when you're broken, too?

FIX YOU by Coldplay

When you try your best but you don't succeed

When you get what you want, but not what you need

When you feel so tired, but you can't sleep

Stuck in reverse

And the tears come streaming down your face

When you lose something you can't replace

When you love someone but it goes to waste

Could it be worse?

*Lights will guide you home,

And ignite your bones,

And I will try to fix you

High up above or down below

When you're too in love to let it go

But if you never try you'll never know

Just what you're worth

(Repeat *)

Tears stream down your face

When you lose something you cannot replace

Tears stream down your face and I

Tears stream down your face

I promise you I will learn from my mistakes

Tears stream down your face and I

(Repeat *)

thoughts on the last hump day of May 2012

realized just now that doing this thing is like climbing a "palosebo" - getting the flag isn't easy.  either the pole is too high or i'm just not efficient.  but other people can do it.  so maybe it's the latter.  i dunnoh.  i dunnoh anymore.  all i know is that i'm tired of trying. :(

musings

if i were to go back in time and have to re-live my life, there are two things i would have done.  first is i would choose "wolverine" instead of "alpha".  maybe i'd be living now the life i've been dreaming of lately - a family of my own in the land down under, safe and secure with him.  second is i would pursue my degree as my career.  then i would still be in the IT world but not as a buyer or an account manager, but as a developer or a systems analyst.  or siguro kahit yung number 1 lang magawa ko e masaya na ko.  okay na ko.  

tama nga talaga.  your choices at the present define your future.  and if only i'd chosen so well.  well, maybe i'll just have to accept the present as it is and take comfort in the fact that there's really a reason for everything.  i just hope and pray to God that where i am now is still the path He wants me to take.  i'm taking comfort in the fact that as a child of God, He will never let me go astray, that wherever this road is going or however this road will end, it will still lead me to His perfect plan.

but in spite of all that, still i can't help but to wonder what life would have been like had i done things differently.  i had let go of someone so special...the one whom anybody could refer to as "the one that got away."  yeah, he could have been the one.

now i'm faced squarely with the reality that whatever happens to your life, be it good or bad, is because of the choices we made.  we can never, EVER, point a finger to anyone or anything, even fate, but our own selves.  fate just throws us options but it is still us who decide.

now i just pray to God that He give me wisdom in decision-making...'coz obviously, it's not just a low score i get to get in that subject, but a failed grade. :(

Lovin' BORA.....the second time around

it was ages since i last checked on my multiply account.  i opened it a while ago just so i could send a message to someone via multiply.  message sent.  but then i got curious on what my posts were that time, or should i say, pictures.  so i did a li'l browsing.  and that little browsing paved way to cherishing my past.  this is what i liked best on keeping an online journal, or even an online album - you won't have a hard time taking a peek at your past.  just one click and you're good!  that's why i hated, abhorred, despised (and all hate words you could think of) the friendster for wiping out my past since May 2005 to September 2007 by deleting friendster blogs!  huhuhuhuhu.  anyway, enough of that.

i'll take you this time to 2008.  the time i revisited the ever-famous bora.  but lemme correct what i had written there.  it's 2003 and not 2002 that we first visited the place.  click the link below.  have fun!


Lovin' Bora the second time around

p.s. hmmmm....maybe i should maximize the use of my multiply account again.  i remember signing up there 'coz it's the best way to keep photos and the easiest way to upload pics.  yeah, from now, i'll upload all my travel pics there.  stay tuned!  :)

Sleepless not in Seattle, but in Antipolo

random thoughts -- my late-night visitors.

nights these past couple of months, i can say, were nightmares.  the more i try hard to sleep, the more i stay awake.  the more i push the thoughts away, the more they come rushing in.  just random thoughts about the future from tomorrow to 2 or so years from now, about the past from yesterday all the way down to childhood, about the present from 45 minutes past midnight to 46 minutes to 47 and so on.  i've thought of just about everything!  from thoughts about what i wrote on a slumbook when i was a first-grader to thoughts about the job interview that is still yet to happen.  from thoughts about the persons that had come and gone in my life to thoughts of the mistakes and the lessons learned.  from thoughts of dreaming and succeeding to thoughts of future conversations to thoughts that happened to thoughts that should've happened and to thoughts that didn't even happen!  tell me something and maybe i had thought of it, too!  haha!  imagine that?!?!?

i just dunnoh why my mind functions so fast at a time when it should be resting.  a couple of my relatives advised me to take iron supplement 'coz most prolly i got a low blood.  "low bloods" have a hard time sleeping.  or so they say.  alright, so maybe a low-blood zombie i am.  what the heck!  and suddenly a thought struck me.  i was anemic, or maybe still am.  and if that anemia will worsen to leukemia, and the latter will turn into death, then maybe i'll finally have the good night's sleep that i've been deprived of for weeks!  morbid thought, ain't it?  told you, thoughts just continue to rush in, even morbid thoughts.  bull.

oh, Lord, pls. make me sleep now.  i wanna sleep.  i need to.
ha!  those are my most often-used words lately.

so there.  my late-night status on Jan. 22, that turned 23 just a few minutes after.

While You Were Sleeping

"i planned to marry peter, but married jack instead. thank goodness my father was right. life doesn't always turn out the way you plan.
.......
Peter once asked me when i fell in love with jack. and i told him, "it was while you were sleeping."

if you were able to watch the movie "While You Were Sleeping," you know what the above quote is all about. haaaay. nice lines from nice love stories. i love quoting them all.

often, we want the kind of life we dreamed it to be, like what career we want to pursue or, just like in the movie, who we want to spend the rest of our life with. but sometimes, something happens just in between....and out of the way. and sometimes, we end up being more grateful that "life doesn't always turn out the way we plan."

i remember what i had read in ODB. the stagecoach story. there's this kid who fervently asked his mom for this particular stagecoach for a Christmas gift. he threw tantrums and begged more like a normal kid does until his mom said, "uhmmmm, let's see." he knew then that he'd get what he wants. so come Christmas. he opened his gift and was confident of what he's going to find inside. sure enough, the stagecoach that he'd asked for came into view. he was sooo happy until his brother told him, "asking for THAT stagecoach was the dumbest thing you did. mom actually bought you a bigger one but since you heartily asked for that, she exchanged the bigger stagecoach for that smaller one." and his happiness fades.

too bad that most of the time, what we think is best for us isn't really what's best. there's something better than the best we have in mind. we thank God for answering our prayers with a YES, but there are times too, that we also have to thank Him for the NOs.  after all, He's the one who knows best.

allow me to share to you certain lines from one of my favorite Christian songs.

"God is too wise to be mistaken

 God is too good to be unkind

 So when you don't understand

 When you don't see His plan

 When you can't trace His hand

 TRUST HIS HEART"

He loves us so much He just wants the best for us.  All we have to do is trust His heart.  Ain't that cool?