CHRISTmas '07

my very own specialized christmas cards....and the effort (and pains) invested for each.

may ganung ugali lang siguro tlga ko na when i give cards/notes to special persons or those that are close to me, gusto ko personalized. pinaghirapan. pinag-isipan. pinagtuunan ng pansin. binigyan ng time. maybe because i feel special when i receive such and so i also want them to feel the same way? that i want them to know how special they are to me? that or is it just that the frustrated "artist" in me wants to be freed?

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anyways, i made specialized cards for my officemates that i'm close to and took pics of the final outcome. here are my top picks... (note: below are taken from a camphone only. mas maganda ung color in actual, syempre. :D)

and the complete set....

i sent to some a message that spelled out their name. while, due to lack of time and the headache that was about to start, i made one message for the rest. a message that relays the essence of Christmas this time.

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"amidst the grandeur of this season - the colorful decors, the gift-givings, the preparations and all - may we never forget the birthday celebrator Himself: JESUS CHRIST. May we all spend this holiday with Him, even the days after. He loves you so much that He offered His own life. merry, merry CHRISTmas! much love, jing"

ung concept ng card, di mahirap isipin. ung messages for them, medyo nakakapiga ng utak ung message na ini-spell out pa ung names nila. pero ang pinakamahirap tlga e ung pagsunog ng katol sa sides ng paper. sakit sa ulo dahil sa amoy, sa kamay dahil sa paso, sa paa dahil sa pag-upo sa sariling binti. almost 5 hours ko sinunog ung 11 sheets of paper. 4+ grueling hours!!! beat that!

CHRISTMAS '07.

we went to La Union, me, ar, len and my dad, and celebrated the Christmas there. first time na wala kme sa house. baguio was not as cold as i had expected it to be. parang mas nagchi-chill pa ko sa office. but the thing that makes baguio better is the breeze. sa office kse, walang breeze. at masyadong OA ung pagkalamig ng aircon ha. di na rin nakakatuwa minsan. haha.

snapshots in baguio:

seeing the homeless sleeping in the streets and the beggars asking alms made me feel sooo blessed, thank You, Lord, but at the same time sad. my heart just goes out for them. hay. di bale, sabi naman sa bible e mas malapit silang mahihirap sa puso ni Lord e. that's too much a consolation though. para na rin silang nanalo sa sweepstakes nun, in a major way.

we went home on the 29th. and attended a Christmas party later that night of the same day. grrrabe ang traffic!!! exagg ha! OA! pati gifts na nareceive ko din e OA sa dami! haha!

this year would have been a perfect year for me. everything sailed smoothly. except for the misquote that amounted to a total of Php 280K. and i can blame no one but me. lesson learned: never, NEVER quote undocumented. you'll never know kung sino ang nagkamali. so kahit di ako sigurado na ako ang mali, e inamin ko na rin. kase in the first place, dapat di ako nagquote ng wala pa kong black & white na nareceive na quote from supplier. kahit gaano pa katindi ang pressure na binibigay ng sales para hintayin ung quote mo. kahit gaano pa sila nagmamadali at fina-follow up ka na. kahit ano pang piga ang gawin sayo. HUWAG.

what's good though in this case was that it happened during this season. di naman ako napagalitan o nasigawan. the spirit of christmas was still in the air. although alam kong talagang nakaka-down naman din ung bagay na un. i felt so helpless that time. so guilty. seeing my superior and our pm ironing things out when it was MY fault. MY own gawddang mistake. iniyak ko, oo. binitbit ko ung bigat ng feeling, oo. nadala ko kahit pano nung bakasyon. and it'll take a matter of time for me to feel all alright. really alright. sabi nga ng avp namen, "tao lng naman e. nagkakamali din. basta wag na lng mauulit."

basta wag na mauulit. that i have to bear in mind. that i have to carry all throughout my working days here.

and like i said, despite every downs, it's still a merry, merry Christmas!!! cheers!

09176637754, i miss you

i've so always prided myself for being able to maintain ONE celphone number eversince i got hold of my first cp. and it was like 7 or 8 years ago. and only a few can do that, imo. ung iba kase nawalan ng cp, nasnatch-an, nahold-up, nadukutan among others. at kasama na syempre ung sim nila dun.

i've lived my 7-8 years using the same number....come to memorize the easy numbers by heart and by soul. and i had not the slightest idea that on the night of dec 10, i would have to bid my saaad-bye to it. *deep sigh*

i lost a cp of myself for the very first time. stupid carelessness. i was saddened, of course. it's not about losing the phone itself actually coz it's not like the latest model after all, aside from the fact that i'd had it for like 2+ years (?) hence it's so high time to be replaced. not about the numbers stored there for i have the copy of the important ones in my chikka. not about the pictures for i have also a copy of almost all of those in cd and hd. not even about the messages. then what the heck the panghihinayang is all about? it's the SIM, dude. the NUMBER!!! argh! nakasama ko, pinahalagahan and minahal ko ung number na un sa pito-o-walong taon ng buhay ko. yun yun eh! babaw ba?!?

anyways, now, i will have to love and memorize by heart and by soul again a new number which, by the way, is still unknown to me. i still haven't bought myself a new cp for i don't have yet a particular model that i desire. kainis kase! what i was planning to give myself this christmas is a digicam. a red sony t200. tagal kong nagcanvass, mabusising tumingin ng specs ng bawat digicam kase gusto ko, pag bibili ako ng isang bagay that really costs some deal of money, e gusto ko yung magtatagal saken. yung hinde ko pagsasawaan at papalitan. yung tipong pwede ko ng makasama 'til its "non-functioning" time...'til its last click. yung tipong laspag na, di na ma-ON ever unless na nga lng na may mangyaring inevitable circumstances na malalayo/mawawala yun saken. ganyan ako ka-metikulosa bumili ng isang mahalaga and may halagang bagay. so malamang sa pagpili ng cp, e ganun din. not unless i settle for something na "pwede na," which i think will most likely to happen. kase di naman talaga bagong cp ang dinedesire ko this christmas kundi isang digicam. isang red sony t200 na digicam.

oh well, siguro the best way to end this post is to finally say these words:

"merry" christmas to me (in a gudlak-na-lng-saken tone) and bye-bye, 09176637754.

realization 101

"time doesn't make you forget. it just numbs the pain and blurs the memories until such time the pain fades away."

a writer once said that. simple saying and yet so true. yes, we will never forget our playmate who cheated us, the first time we slipped and the wound, our failed grade/s, the teacher who embarassed us, the loves that hurt us, the bosses we hate, our first failure. all those are etched in a part of our brain and yes, they still cross our minds once in a while. but don't we just find it amazing how those pains seem to not affect us now, even a bit, when back then we even wished that our own world would end?

time doesn't make us forget. it just numbs the pain blah-blah-blah...

wow. truly amazing.

(travel time just gives us time to think. and ponder. and above entry is a result of such.)

Emotional Equation on Christmas: Joy > Sadness

pasko na naman. and this season is known to bring utmost joy in our hearts. and to some, a little drama as well. in my previous blog, www.rojane.blogs.friendster.com, the sands of time part 1, i always mentioned the gladness christmas brings. now, though, i thought of posting the little drama it brings along too. not that i want to spoil the happiness of this season, of course i wouldn't dare! it's just that i would definitely sound very redundant if i post about this holiday's joys. again. hehe.

nakakalungkot lang kase isipin na may mga taong madrama talaga ang buhay lalo pag nalalapit na ang pasko e. at meron ding mga nagda-drama-dramahan lang naman. eto ung mga iba sa kanila...

1) yung mga taong nakatira sa ilalim ng tulay, or generally speaking, mga taong less fortunate. ung iba sa kanila e nalulungkot na kapag mgpapasko. kse sa mga okasyong ganito nila mas nararamdaman yung kakulangan ng mga bagay na wala o kulang sila: like the safety of a house, the warmth and comfort of a bed, delicious foods to feast over on noche buena, new clothes and shoes, etc. and i could almost hear them now uttering, "buti pa sila."

2) those who are crying over their just-departed loved ones. hugging the remnants of what the departed has left behind. clinging to the memories of the christmas past.

3) those who work abroad yearning to spend the holiday in their homeland. with their own family. and yet they just couldn't. the airfare, to some, costs them their annual, if not months', salary.

4) yung ibang mga single who spent almost their entire lifetime searching for a lifetime partner. na nangangarap pa rin na sana sa susunod na pasko e may partner na rin sila.

5) yung mga hiwalay ang pamilya na nangangarap na sana buo na lang sila to celebrate the holiday.

6) can't think of anything more at the moment :D

totoong drama man o nagda-drama-dramahan lang, drama pa ring maituturing. and i't's just nice to know that the joy the christmas brings is still enough to wash out all those kadramahans. kase to some, despite all the drama is still a happy heart singing christmas carols. despite all the drama is still a thankful soul knowing that a Jesus had come to save us. that despite all those, we still cannot ignore the fact na mas magaan pa rin ang feeling tuwing pasko compared to ordinary and normal days. the cold wind, the christmas lights and decors, the christmas songs, and of course the fact about Jesus and the salvation He offers, all of them combined, sila yung mga bagay na nakakapagpasaya and nagbibigay ngiti. kaya kahit may big or little dramas man, masaya pa rin ang pasko.

tuwing pasko, joy is always greater than sadness. yan ang equation lagi.....sa mga taong positibo ang tingin sa buhay, kahit sa anong sitwasyon man sila ilagay. guess it just all boils down on our own perspective...on how we look at things.

merry christmas to all!!! :D

balat-kalabaw sila

so i'm now wearing my office blazers (for the very first time), got a pair of hand gloves on my hands, & i'm wearing socks and shoes. all-covered, in short. and yet, why do i feel soooo cold still?!?! coz it's near freezin' here! and i just wonder why some people just keep on asking to turn up the AC? may mga tao lang siguro talagang balat-kalabaw sa opisinang 'to. hay.

You never let me go...through it all

aren't we uber lucky that we have a god who is always - and i mean really ALWAYS, like every minute and every second of the day - there? na isang tawag lang naten and andun na Siya agad?....never busy, never cannot be reached, never out for a call. that the time and love He gives and has for us aren't based on how much time and love we give to Him? that even when we sometimes blame Him for the pains that we feel, He's still right there ready to lend an ear, extend a hand, and even cry with us? i guess what i'm just trying to say is that we are so blessed that the god we have is the God that He is.

here's our church's theme song for the month. for all He's done to and for us, we can never love Him too much and we can never pay the price. and this song, He's actually more than deserving.
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THROUGH IT ALL

You are forever in my heart
You see me through the seasons
Cover me with Your hand
And lead me to the promised land.

And I walk to You
And I wait on You.

I'll sing to You, Lord, a hymn of love
For Your faithfulness to me
I'm carried in everlasting arms
YOU NEVER LET ME GO
THROUGH IT ALL.

Hallelujah....hallelujah
Hallelujah....hallelujah.
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wallowing in a pathetic thought

i didn't really mean much. and if i did, it's just because the tire was flat and i was only the spare. ONLY a spare. and i will have to always remind myself of that. even if it leads to feeling neglected. or used. because it's the pathetic truth. pathetic, yet still the truth. and yet, it is a lesson that will come in handy, IF in the future i will have to cross the same road again.

Undas '07

lemme just share some snapshots that i took last undas. these were all taken from my camphone. makes me wish for a red sony t200 the more. hay. oh yeah, i got that filmstrip border from bianca. sorry for "stealing," ms. supergirl. i know you don't want your photos be stolen but i only got lang naman the border eh. :D

Time to Live for a Cause

These sadden me…

- the G2 blast last oct 19 wherein 11 persons died and left the 120+ injured
- the 11-year old girl who committed suicide due to poverty
- the death of Mrs. Dulce Saguisag, wife of Atty. Rene Saguisag, which was caused by reckless imprudence of a dump truck driver and also leaving Atty. Saguisag in a critical condition with an internal hemorrhage in the head and 7 fractured ribs
- the sudden deaths of strangers which are often caused by inhumane acts of some felons and traffic incidents

The brevity of life. How we could be so alive and energetic and then be lifeless the next minute. Sigh. Who can ever tell? Which makes me rethink my priorities in life. Am I ready to die any day and any minute of the day? Have I lived a life not just for myself but for others as well? Will I leave a special mark on other people’s lives? A memory worth keeping and which others can be thankful for? Have I spent enough time with the persons I love and with the things that really matter at the end of the day?

I’m 27 now and it’s high time that I start living a meaningful life…a really meaningful life. The kind that will help and inspire others. I really don’t know how to begin. I guess maybe joining an outreach program will be a good start.

Funny. Coz I really wasn’t thinking of these things before writing this post. I just wanna write about how fleeting life can be and then just in the middle of writing did this desire blossomed.

I guess a moment comes in our life when some of us will just have to say that it’s time…a time for just anything - a time to love, a time to hate, a time to make a difference. And I guess I’m lucky enough to realize that there’s really no right time to do the right thing but today and now. Like we always say, we can never tell what will happen next. So, good luck to me and help me God.

four reminders (in a day), one lesson

the good out of the bad
reminder # 1: all things happen for a reason.
thought: not all bad things that happen to us are actually not good. some bad things, in fact, happen to save us from the worse.
lesson: in every state, be thankful.

i went to this children's party last sat. (belated happy 1st birthday to you, reese!) held at Jollibee Guadalupe Branch. sissy was supposed to go with me but then she slipped and fell off the stairs just as we were about to leave the house. pag minalas nga naman tlaga oo! so she got herself bruises over one part of her cheek and a part of her legs. she cried real out loud and cried even more when she learned that she couldn’t go with me na. hay, poor sissy. na-set na kse ung mind nya the night before nung party na kasama tlga sya. and she was dressed up na and all tapos biglang…BLOG!!! ayun, untog! you know the normal feeling of the kid. she even told me na sya daw mag-aabot ng gift for reese. oh well, maybe it’s just better that way. there’s a reason, as I have always believed.

i have this thing about heights. i tend to lose my sense of balance every time i reach a certain height. and I felt that way again when I crossed over the Guadalupe overpass. no exagg but i was damned scared of falling, damned scared of seeing the buses, cars, jeeps running fast below, damned scared that I gripped the banister like hell as if i were crossing a hanging bridge. demn. i even thought of removing my heeled shoes and walk barefooted for fear that I might slip and fall off right down below. oh gosh! it’s just as well that sissy was not with me. damned well. there’s a reason. and this is the reason for sissy’s li’l jinx earlier. i couldn’t even think of what would’ve happened if the little kiddo was with me. thank heavens.

how ironic we can be
reminder # 2: a moment in time only happens once.
thought: like a certain drop of water in the river that has flown, time will never be recovered. some thing does happen that is quite similar to the other but note that it is actually NOT the other but just quite similar to it. keyword is quite.
lesson: in every state, be thankful.

the party was a whole lot of fun. enjoyed it actually more than the kids there did. hay. buhay-bata, ang sarap tlga! isn’t it sooo ironic that when we were yet kids, we can’t wait to grow up na and do the things we want to do without having to ask permission and now that we’re grown-ups na, we long to be kids again, thinking over no problems and just enjoying every moment. tao tlga, di alam ang gusto!

overlooked
reminder # 3: we are all blessed by God, in one way or another.
reminder # 4: what’s just a normal thing for us is already a miracle and an answered prayer for some.
thought: there are things that we ask Him for, yet He didn’t provide. and then, we start to question His existence. there are also things that we haven’t asked Him for, yet He had given. and we never thanked Him for those.
lesson: in every state, be thankful.

i was supposed to bring home a super meal, 2 burgers, a reg. fries and 2 balloons. but i went home with a super meal and 1 balloon.

what happened to the others?
- a beggar, probably in her early teens, asked for the balloons. i gave her one.
- a handicapped man (sans the thighs and legs) at the cubao overpass received a burger.
- a handicapped man (sans the legs and this time, arms as well) seated right beside me in front of the fx received the burger and the fries. (oh god, so many close encounters with handicapped today.) and this time, a conversation had taken place. he lives in padilla and works in taft. that’s 1 and a half-hour ride or approximately Php 100 away from his home. has a housewife for a wife and a 9-year old daughter. pasalubong nyo na lng po sa anak nyo, i said. he smiled shyly. i don’t know if he’s just really a shy person or the shyness was just due to his handicap. he just couldn’t bring himself to look at me when we were talking. my heart just goes out for these persons.

look at us, complaining about a lot of things – about how our shoes sometimes hurt our feet, how we sometimes eat the same food every week, of what to wear for today, of our workload, so on and so forth, taking no notice of those persons who have been fervently praying to have the things we are complaining of – to have at least a nice pair shoes, to have at least a tasty food on their plate, to have at least something decent enough to wear, to have a decent job with a decent paycheck at least.

nakakalungkot. nakakaiyak. may mga taong nagdadasal na sana makalakad sila or even na sana e magkaroon sila ng paa at makalakad din…na may mga taong nagho-hope na sana e magkaroon din sila ng normal na kamay…na may mga taong nagwo-wonder kung ano itsura ng mundong ginagalawan nila, na sana e sa himala ng Diyos, balang araw e makita din nila ito. maswerte ung marami, including myself, at hinde na natin pang kelangang humingi ng mga ganitong klaseng himala. kse binigay na satin ng Diyos di pa man naten ito hinihingi. pero andami pa rin nating reklamo at minsan pa e pinagdududahan pa naten ang kabutihan Niya.

bottomline of this long post is the lesson. in every state, be thankful. when we begin to complain about something, let’s just think that one or more persons in this world are in a worse situation than us. a happy life, after all, is about being content with what we have and with what we don’t have. and contentment, dear, is not earned, but learned.

sometimes, our problems can be resolved by only one thing: learning to count our blessings.

a newfound desire

* divishop (v.): a term originated from yours truly which means to shop in the outskirts of divisoria
* 22 BC/twenty-two BC (n.): a more sosy word for Tutuban Center, originated from the sosy girl herself, dixie (ex-officemate during celine days)

everybody loves to go shopping, if given enough dough to. but not everbody loves to divishop, even if given enough dough to.

i wasn't much of a divisoria person. going back 2-3 years ago, christmas season, the place was just uberly full of transpos and persons. traffic na nga ng sasakyan, traffic pa din ng mismong tao. bumper-to-bumper in every way. the kind that you don't have to walk to get to one place to another because the people around you were doing the walking for you. you just have to stand out there and then the crowd would be pushing you and then next thing you know, your body was actually "transported" from one point to another. so dapat matibay ka and matatag ang katawan mo, para di ka madala sa basta na lng agos ng tao, kung di rin naman sa agos na yun yung tungo mo tlga. gets?

that's the main reason why there are persons who don't like shopping there, despite the cheap prices. second is the place itself. not naman kadiri in its sense but precisely not a comfy place to shop at compared to malls.

anyways, i must say that my first-time experience there wasn't also something that i actually look forward to happening again. that was 2-3 years ago. when i went there to shop for my inaanaks. (trivia: shopping for myself is usually spent in the stores of kamiseta, celine, bayo, f&h,for me, yrys and karimadon just recently)

last saturday though was a different story. i went there to buy things for myself. and not for my inaanaks. hehe. i wouldn't have gone divishopping in the first place had i not seen and then fallen in love with the vest that my bossing bought there. at a VERY cheap price, mind you. so i persuaded my solite friends to go with me. and cynth gladly said yes, a shop-lover that she is. haha.

3 hours of walking, 1 hour of lunch, 1 1/2 hours of walking again. and boy, was it tiresome!!! but the pagod was very much worth it in the end. i loooove the pieces of clothing that i got, especially when i donned 'em on myself soon as i got home. 6 tops, a pair of jeans and a pair of shorts, all in all, at a minimum cost. i loooooove it!!!!

top 2 places to shop at: 1) 168; and 2) twenty-two BC

now, divisoria moment is one of the things im looking forward to. a divisoria fix is actually on the way. so welcome me back, divi!

* photos soon to be released *

updates, rants and all

hello, blog! i so miss you, d'ya know that?

i guess a lot of things have been happening lately. not really, really great things actually but just little things that keep me busy. unlike before when i was in solite, my previous company, where there's nothing i could really do but to blog. i was paid for that, wasn't i? haha.
anyways, here's just a recap of things that i remember happening. funny how things went by so fast that i couldn't find time to write about all of them. well, i just wish i could. so here's the attempt. at random order.

1) i got sick for two days last week. the flu visited me. oh, make it 3 coz i wasn't really well the 3rd day yet i managed to go to work. i don't like being absent here in my new job. and a 2-day sick leave is long enough. i lost some weight. argh! i've tried hard to earn those pounds! dang. not actually "tried hard" coz being able to eat a LOT without getting really fat is a blessing. it's just that no matter how much food intake i get, i'm still....slim! oh well, i'm grateful for it though coz i feel so blessed that i don't have to deprive myself of those fatty yet yummy foods, ain't i?

2) oh yeah, i saw my ex just recently. and it's one of those nakakainis times. i don't have any sparks for him anymore and yet i want him to see me as pretty as he thinks i am. what made me say that? kse he texted me before we accidentally bump with each other and he said something like this:
"wag ka sana magagalit sa tanong ko ha. kita ko kse friendster pics mo and napansin ko na parang iba na itsura mo. nagpapa-facial ka ba regularly? pumuti ka na rin kase."
pumuti nga ko, yes. thanks to you, dj, for introducing me to those scrap soaps of dr. c@l@y@n (nga ba tlga?). and yeah, i gained a few pounds. and so i texted back a quite mayabang txt. hehehe.
"mukha lng ako ngpapa-facial pero hinde! no one touches my skin....not even b3lo. hehe. parang wine lng siguro tlga....gets better with age."
yabang noh? hehe.
let's go back to the nakakainis encounter with mr. ex. i must admit that i wasn't in my best me when it happened. kse may times that you feel so pretty about yourself eh. and may times that you feel you're pangit naman. and i felt the latter that sumkinda-nakakainis day. nakakainis lng coz of all the times na FEELING ko e ang ganda ko, di nya ko nakita and nung minsan na i feel pangit, dun pa nya ko nakita! i don't have sparks for him anymore, i say again, but like any other human with regard to their exes, i also want him to see me as pretty syempre noh. para manghinayang naman sya nang konti khit pano. hahaha! i guess it's just human nature. ya feel me? but in truth and deep within, i'm really happy for him for he's settled and that he's with the love of his life na.
anyweis, the encounter wasn't like in the movies. yung tipong like the world stopped moving around and there's just you and him? NAH! and kaya dun ko na-prove na wla na nga tlgang sparks o khit man lng "something". the accidental meeting was just like the typical meeting and greeting of someone you know. the normal exchange of his and hellos and then off you go. ganun.
for some reason, nagtxt sya. siguro to clarify lng about his perception of the "new" me. o siguro para mang-inis? wutever.
"di ka pala tumaba. and di ka rin pumuti. mata mo lng. make-up o contacts?"
i was itching to txt bak and tell him that i did gain weight and all but i didn't kase baka humaba lng ang usapan. but truth is, i didn't txt bak for this main reason: sayang lng piso ko!!! hahaha!
3) jello, our unico shitzu puppy, is missing. this news is actually long overdue coz it's been a month or so since we lost him. coincidental din ung pangyayari kse ung araw na nawala sya was exactly the same day when my ate and her family left for brisbane, aug. 30. si zel, ung ate ko, kse tlga ung may-ari nun. and she gave jello to me for she couldn't find time anymore to take good care of him. she has already a hubby and a baby to take care of and the least she wants is another "alagain".
up to now, we still can't find him. oh God, i just wish jello be in good hands. we miss him. :(

MISSING and very much MISSED!!!

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4) my daddy-o is running for brgy. kagawad this coming brgy election. for some reasons, i must say that i'm not in favor of him running. but politics is one of his happiness. so let be. i want him to be happy and so despite my not wanting him to be in magulong politics again, i'm sending him out my full support. i just wish that this coming election will be a successful and a clean one. it's high time for our barangay to have a corrupt-free governance. i know my dad and with all my heart, i can say that he's so straight. coz if he's not, then we would be one of those really rich people na. his previous work kase is the type na sinusuhulan. and a LOT of big "suhols" he got: house and lot, car, money, you name it. astig! there are times though that i wish na hinde na lng sya ganun ka-straight. para uber rich kame ngayon and that i wouldn't have to work na. hehehe. joke!

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pero ewan ko nga ba why the not-straight guys just always win the game. guess that's just what politics is....dirty!
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5) hinde ko na crush si secret crush. e kse nga, di naman pwede eh. and that, i instilled in my mind. this is one good thing in this "crush" thingy. it's all in the mind and you can just wash it away whenever you tell yourself to. very much unlike when it comes to love. sa love kse, no matter how much you try to love-slash-unlove a person, when you just don't feel it, then you can't force yourself to. it takes a friggin' long time to do it, most especially the un-loving part.

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6) si online crush, ayun, virtual pa rin! haha! pero di ko na rin crush. although nagu-gwapuhan pa rin naman ako. they say that crush is admiration. but in my vocabulary, it's not. sa 'kin, admiration is just plain admiration. crush is admiration PLUS desire (whatever kind of desire it is). the plus made all the difference. kaya nga nawe-weirdohan ako sa ibang girls eh. sa kanila kse siguro, crush is admiration lng tlga so when they admire someone of his/her physical looks, they would say na "uy crush ko sya." even if kapwa nila girl ung tinutukoy nila. kaya most of the time they're mistaken as t-bird na or something. para saken naman, i see them as someone just using the wrong term lng. parang ang euw nga din naman kse pakinggan hearing someone saying that they got a crush on someone of their same gender. yung bunso kong kapatid, ganyan mgsalita! ang euw! hehe. peace, ar!

--
which makes me realize, andami kong crushes, wla namang love...in a romantic way. and i'm beginning to yearn again, long and feel the need again for that friggin' unknown someone. i'm happy being un-attached but at the end of the day, like any other normal being, i still need the "home" where i truly belong.

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oh, too long a post! i hate reading loooong mindless posts like this so before i start to really hate myself, end ko na to. i'll make another post na lng for the others. muchos gracias, blog, for taking all these rants in. i'm spent now. :)

life sans love = sugar-deficient

sana kse di na lng nararamdaman ng tao ang mga hindi naman pala dapat nya maramdaman. para mabawasan man lng ung komplikasyon ng buhay khit pano. baket pa kse nakakaramdam ng kakulangan kung wla naman palang magpupuno? kung wla naman pala tlgang “filler” na destined for you in this life, fate might as well take away the feeling of emptiness.

guess i am not made for love just as love isn't made for me. ah life.....sometimes, i do feel that i hate you. just sometimes....when those inevitable lonely nights seem kinda unbearable.

eh kung mag-Centrum na lng kaya ako? ‘coz….”i wanna be complete.” chos!!!

my fair share of what they call "beginner's luck"

nanghihinayang. cuz the much-awaited-for gimiks, we let 'em slip away. the floating resto and the palacio de maynila nights-out, which i had mentioned in my previous blog, had been bypassed. unintentionally on my part. it just isn’t easy if your companions are all family-man/woman. family will always be first, above anything else. and it isn’t also the first time that like this had happened. i like the persons in my group. i love and admire them, in fact. but cases like this make me wish that there’s a single in our 3-person department. just sometimes.

anyweis, the two remaining gimiks in the list were two-thumbs up naman. masaya kame when we celebrated rhoda’s bday at her condo. pictures, pictures and more pictures sympre. camera whores din naman ung mga ksama ko. and the food?!?! sarrrrrrrap! i so much love the bbq! iba sya sa mga natitikman ko. malasa and masarap. there were calamares, chicken-something, fish fillet, veggie salad, fruit salad, pansit (did i miss out anything?). but the bbq was the stand-out for me. and it’s just weird that i only ate ONE stick. to think na dun tlga ko nasarapan! strange, diba?

the last event (ICS mooncake celeb), however, somehow made up to the 2 gimiks that we missed out. huwell, sissy and i just took home lng naman the first prize! hehehe. not so much but 1,500 is still 1,500. it’s not like everyday that you get that amount for just playing and betting nothing! and yes, plus the biggest hopia! hehe.

beginner’s luck. ahhhh……finally, i got my fair share of you. isn’t it funny how the heavens, while i’m not a person who gambles, gave my share of that luck??? haha. muchos thanks, Lord.

fully-booked

this is undoubtedly the busiest week i've ever had. in terms of gimiks, that is. so here's my tight gimik sked:

wed, sept 19: MSI Mooncake Celeb at the floating resto in Pasay
thurs, sept 20: rhoda's (my officemate) bday celeb in her condo in Annapolis (sleep-over)
fri, sept 21: WSI Silver Anniv at Palacio de Maynila in Malate
sat morn, sept 22: ICS' mooncake celeb here in office

which makes me realized that i missed going out at nights. i missed the nightlife -- missed seeing how the establishments and streets look at night - the lights and all; missed going home late; missed feeling the night wind, above all else. oh Lord, thanks for the above gimiks....i'll be able to embrace and walk the earth at night again. :D

and to mr. square-root-of-negative-x , how i wish you're there to share all the nights and the days of my life. oh, if only i could bring you to life.

the camwhore me

i love taking pics of just about anything and everything and i also love being the object of my pix too. a camwhore, that's what i am, in short.

so when we were invited to attend a beach wedding, my cousin's, the first thing that came to mind was the fact that the beach would be a lovely place for "pictorial". hehe. oh, by the way, that was the first ever beach wedding i had attended to date. my first-time experience.
so.....here are the samples that i took.



above pics are unedited....purely original.

the following pics, however, got some minor revisions. these were actually taken on a broad daylight but since i want a sunset-looking output or any mode that suits my taste, i changed the color which i deem fits best.

Ask and it shall be given

Miracles nowadays just seem too surreal. With technology and science coming in between and in a great leap, pushing the limits of human knowledge, faith is put in the background.

I just remembered my entry in tagged kasalanan bang humingi sa langit ng isang....himala. Of course I know there's nothing wrong to ask. Ask and it shall be given, just as He had said. But when science sets in and is in contrary to your belief, faith is then put to the test.

Years, years before, I remember myself as someone with a great faith. Not that I'm bragging about it but the closeness He and I used to have was just....great. But as time progressed, the "great faith" has somehow ebbed. The inputs of scientific knowledge acquired along the way gave my faith a little question mark.

Like this. How in the world could I NOT undergo an operation of my thyroid when all 3-4 doctors suggest that I should? When the medicine that I had been taking for like 1 year just didn’t work on me? In short, science has given me one better-bitter option: operation. They said it’s “better than having a bulge on your neck” but I actually consider it a “bitter” option. Who would want a part of his/her neck be split in two so the docs could take the friggin’ goiter out of him/her?

I don’t know but I just felt that there must be a real better way. And this gave birth to my entry kasalanan bang humingi…… So I asked, in fervent prayer, for a miracle.

One month and 10 days after that blog entry, the goiter that you could liken to the size of a hard-boiled egg bulging out of my neck is no longer visible. My neck is physically back to its normalcy.

Just two things I wanna point out: 1) Miracles happen only by grace; and 2) God is good all the time.

God is good all the time
He put a song of praise in this heart of mine
God is good all the time
Through the darkest night, His light will shine
God is good, He's so good all the time.

When you're walking through the valley and there are shadows all around
Do not fear for He will guide you and He will keep you safe and sound
For He's promised to never leave you nor forsake you and His word is true.

We were sinners so unworthy
Yet for us He chose to die
Filled us with His Holy Spirit
So we can stand and testify
That His love is everlasting
And His mercies, they will never end.

miles away

we weren't expecting a member of the family to be away from us. i mean like a million miles and over seas away from us. it's so sad to live that far from persons you had shared all your life with.

hay. i'll miss them terribly.

i've always thought nothing could beat the hurt of break-ups or heartbreaks. but then, this is more saddening. kakalungkot lng sobra dahil buong buhay mo silang nakasama at ngyon ang layu-layo na nila. di ko na malalaro si josh. di ko na mafi-feel ung kiss nya sa pisngi ko. i can't bring him anymore little pasalubongs and i won't hear again his "tinchu" (thank u) everytime. i'll miss his voice, his little arms, his naughtiness and his badness.

si zel, mami-miss ko ang mga balita nya kng anong mga damit ang for sale. ang pagkanta nya ng "every little thing he does is magic" everytime na nagvivideoke kame. di nawawala kase ung song na un sa listahan nya ng kakantahin. mamimiss ko ang mallings, at kung saan-saan naming pinupuntahan. pati si jovil. ung lagi nya saming panlilibre at ung mga nakakatawang banat nya minsan. tsaka ung kabaitan nya. kulang na ang darating na holidays kse wla sila.

hay. ang daming bagay na nakaka-miss and kung iisa-isahin ko pa un e maiiyak na lng tlga ko. kalungkot. kse years ang bibilangin para makasama sila at maulit muli ang lahat ng un. kase simula ngayon, sa monitor ng computer na lng namen muna sila makikita. di mo mayayakap, di mo maki-kiss, di mo makakasama sa bawat araw. :'(

i just hope that neither time nor distance could ever change the way we were. i love you, three!

aysus!!!

ano daw?!?!!? nag-ym na daw sya para tanungin ung ym nung kausap nya?!?!?! araykupo!!! and the most polite response i could think of, in her response to my favor, was a thank you. while i was personally laughing of her li'l.....blooper?

look-alikes ka jan!!! :P

My cool celebrity look-alike collage from MyHeritage.com. Get one for yourself.

one kilig moment

putek! bat ganun? pag crush mo isang tao, di ka makaarte ng normal? you can look normal on the surface but there's really something iba within. o baka ako lng ang ganito?

ah syet! kase we just crossed paths. si 210, my secret crush. if it were any other guy but him, i would've made the first move to say hello. or any friendly greeting that could initiate a little conversation. pero parang nag-iiba ko kapag sya nasasalubong ko eh. di naman sa lhat ng instances pero most of the time i'd say. and ung crossing kanina e isa sa mga most-of-the-times.

hay jingtot.

so un. i was glad na binati naman nya ko.

jing. bat ka naka neck tie?

ah syet! he and his endearing voice. darn it!!!! parang gusto kong ihinto ang oras at kausapin sya. at sandaling kalimutan na off-limit sya. pero di tlga mabubura yang lintek na factor na un ih! errrrr!

wla lang. trip ko lng! *in my usual lively voice, which is so opposite his soft voice*

ganun lng kaiksi. ganun lng kabilis. pero ang aftermath nun e nagtatagal. ung kilig tuwing maiisip mo e anjan pa rin.

kainis ka tlga jing! kakainis!!! pero kinikilig ako. at un ung syet dun ih!!!

sleep-deprived

i had been busy and had consumed a lot of energy these past days that i haven't really gotten around doing my favorite pastime: sleeping.

now my head is killing me. i am in the direst need of a sleep and i still have 15 more minutes before i gotta get out from this office. oh God, how i long to be on my bed right now and give myself the doze i so badly needed.

my head aches. ho-hum.

and because i'm such a trying hard writer.....

There are only two tendencies that happen when we entertain new souls in our lives…

1) we still live life the way we have been living it, or
2) we live life under a whole new light and things are never the same again.

And often, we choose to befriend only those who conform with our lifestyle than those who change it. Why? Because deep inside us is a well overflowing with fear of change. (Feb. 8, 2007)
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In one’s life, there is always that “the one that got away”. It might be a job…a dream…a someone…a love. All our efforts to bring them back are to no avail. Coz sometimes, there are no rewinds, no second chances. Some things are bound to happen only once. And it’s so easy to say to be very careful of what you have now. But the hard truth is that sometimes…you’ll never know that it’s the one ‘til it’s gone. (Feb. 11, 2007)
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Life’s constant struggle: what you WANT to do versus what you HAVE to do. HEART against MIND in most cases. And whatever is the outcome, whether which one wins and which one loses, this course opens up our eyes to only one fact –- that the toughest battle one ever has to fight is the battle with his own self…coz no matter what side prevails, in one way or another, he will end up wounded. (Feb. 14, 2007)
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You know why God created man with only ONE heart?........For him to love only ONE soul. (Mar. 11, 2007)
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You are the driver of your own journey, the captain of your own destiny. And sometimes, I find it bull to believe that some things are not meant to be. For if you REALLY want something, you’ll do everything to have it. the not-meant-to-be things? You friggin’ make them meant. Unconsciously, it’s just ourselves that make things not meant. (Mar. 27, 2007)
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We can never stop the sands in the hourglass from flowing, nor can we rush it. But we can always watch the flow in awe and consider each and every little sand as precious -- because a moment in time was, is and will never be like the other. (Aug. 21, 2007)
--
All written by moi. :D

happy-busy on a 3-day weekend

one thing i love about her excellency is her infamous 3-day long weekend just so to establish strong family bond. oh, lovely! and it’s heaven for us if a holiday falls on a sunday, a monday or a tuesday. that will automatically mean a long vacation, a long rest, a quality time with family.

anyways, this month blessed us with a two 3-day weekend consecutively. the first one was over. i was actually looking forward for a plentiful rest but circumstances prevented such. on a normal rest day, you’ll find me splurging the afternoons in the bedroom, tucked between pillows loving the afternoon naps. but not this time. not when you have a couple of movies you want to watch and not when one of your sister dearies will be spending god knows how many years over seas, away from home, in no more than 2 weeks’ time. family bonding, at this time, is most necessary, most needed, and most wanted. and thanks heaven for giving us this privilege.

time for recaps.

aug. 17, stormy friday……courtesy of egay. prelude to the long weekend ahead. spent the night at g-squared, ortigas dampa. we literally feasted over the scrumptious seafoods: the crabs, the sugpos, the sinigang na maya-maya, the inihaw na tilapia, the inihaw na tanigue, mangga’t bagoong! whew, having heavy dinners delight a gluttonous yet slim me. that’s the major advantage of being slim since birth. you can eat a LOT without having to worry about the pounds it will add to you. in fact, you’ll be thankful for it pa. and i thank you.

aug. 18, rainy saturday. with my two also-purtty sisters. went to the east of metro. did some grocery shopping. i watched alone the “a love story” while my siblings went to see “rush hour 3”. did a li’l window-shopping for ourselves and real-shopping for josh. zel bought her suitcase.

aug. 19, half-sunny-half-rainy sunday. church in the morning. pinoy cuisine for lunch at chef islaw. “rush hour 3” time for me. more bonding with josh. zel and jovil’s despedida in the evening at hebron.

aug. 20, fine-weathered monday. went to gate 2 in the morning. grocery-shopping again in the east of metro with ate rose. cleaned up the house soon as we got home in preparation for zel and jovil’s despedida again for relatives and close friends. gave a hand in the kitchen every now and then. entertained the few guests. magic sing time!!!!

pagod at super-saya. if i were to describe the recent weekend in two words.

the two words that i feel

hay, Lord. i've got soooo much to thank You for. here are just some of the things (at random order):

1) for taking me here in this computer company
2) for all the free foods i get to eat
3) for the nice friends around my working area
4) for a nice boss
5) for the first bonus i will receive dis coming sat (i don't know yet how many percent but thank You nevertheless)
6) for gradually making my thyroid back to its normal state
7) for giving me hope when things seem so hopeless
8) for giving me enough faith to make some of my dreams come true
9) for always being there.....ready to listen and to help
10) for not tiring of me
11) for the salvation
12) for making me know You more and intimately
13) for all the lessons i need to learn for my own growth
14) for the family that i have
15) for all the blessings You give to those i love
16) for the daily miracles which i've seen and also those which i had overlooked

and the list could go on and on......it will never end. for Your grace is abundant. hay Lord. i just wanna thank You but words just aren't enough to convey what i really feel deep inside. but You know my heart and i just wanna say again these two words: Thank You.

Secret Crush

i like the way he speaks my name. so gentle. i felt like a baby in a cradle. but then again, he really speaks gently naman e, with or without saying my name. soft-spoken talaga siya. so maybe i'm just seeing things that are not really there. people are like that so this is just normal. pag crush mo isang tao, simpleng bagay lang may malalim na kahulugan na sa yo. kahit ang totoo e wala lng talaga yun at ganun din naman siya sa iba. crush mo nga kase. so you add and/or minus (but more on adding) figments of your imagination in all your encounters with him/her.

hay crush. 26 nako at crush pa rin ang binabanggit ko. grow up pare!

pero ganun talaga eh. if something makes you smile, why would you hinder that one thing? so long as you're not hurting someone along the way. so long as you're not stepping across the boundaries. so long as you know how to be off-limits with him. kung di lang sana sya "off-limit" maybe i would brave all the risks. pero di ganun ung sitwasyon. so hanggang crush crush nga lng tlga. simpleng hi's and hellos, nods and smiles and exchanges of little conversations where half of those is even work-related. oh well, ganun man kasimple yung mga yun, nakakadagdag pa rin nang malaki sa kulay ng buhay. nakakapagpasaya. nakakapagpangiti. at­ oo, nakakapagpakilig. haha!

kung pwede nga lng sanang maging permanente na lng sya sa buhay ko. para permanente na ung ngiti at para wala ng bawal-bawal. kaya nga lng, as i've said, hinde ganun ung equation eh, kase isa syang "constant factor" sa isang parte ng equation na un. nagkataon lng na hinde sa parte ko. and ang "cannot be, borrow one from two" e di rin applicable pare.

so eto. hanggang secret crush ka lng. kaya manghinayang ka! hahaha.

raindrops keep fallin' on my head....(and i love it!)

there are just some people who love the rain. and i used to wonder why. i mean, what's with the rain that they love? you get soaked en route to office, school or wherever you're going, and your feet, oh your feet (!), are oh-so wet as well. and then you begin to mind the "contents" of the H2O that soaked you: the poo-poohs of the strayed cats and dogs, the human "trash" (saliva, urine, etc), the "sauce" of the actual garbages, and every eowy trashy thing one could ever imagine. and then you have a hard time trying to get a ride, be stranded in the traffic. you arrive late in the office looking like a wet rug doll. you begin to curse the rain and all.....wondering why some people out there are loving the downpour.

that was the rain for me. i defined it in those friggin' ways.

and now i don't know why. one rainy day, i just woke up lovin' what i hated before. i was knee-soaked while the other body parts are just wet yet i am still so demn happy! what and why on earth? i precisely don't know. i just began to love the coldness and the chill it gives me. i love embracing the warmth the jacket offers me and at the same time loving the rainy breeze and the damp air brushing my face. i can now hum happily walking through the rain. it's weird and i don't know but from this day forth, rain has become a wonderful season to me. rainy days don't get me down 'nymore....