i actually saw it coming. it usually comes days before the period, i observe. so i was expecting it na rin. like it has become a part of monthly this and that. in need of something you do not have. thirsty for something you cannot drink. and then you'd just find yourself curled up like a baby still in her mother's womb. waiting to be born. but in this case, to be free. or be freed.
and i hate feeling like that. i really, really hate it. you have so much to give and yet you cannot just give out. you are so in need of so much and yet you don't know where to get it. helpless. and hopeless. such a poor case, loser.
***
on a happier note, pacquiao won again. over diaz this time. yahoooo! i'm proud to be pinoy. but guys like him make me prouder! ang saya-saya! he's now like Michael Jordan in the field of boxing. and imagine the celtics having their pictures taken with him?!?!? wow! i hope that i get the chance to have a picture with him, too. opportunity, knock on me pleeeeaaase?!????!
***
sissy. she's now in her pre-school. and the financial need is getting more and more intense. her folks couldn't support her studies. and so here we are. not really capable of sustaining the needs of a pre-school kid but we're still trying. for the love of her. we don't want to enrol her in a public school merely because we don't trust how they handle and teach the toddlers there. maybe when she gets a li'l older and/or when she's aready quite learned but definitely NOT when she's still -- raw. mahirap na baka kung ano pang inputs ang maabsorb ng utak niya, or worse, baka walang inputs na iabsorb yung utak nya. so now, we're striving hard for her private studies.
mahirap lng kse para kang biglang nagkaanak. biglang nagkaroon ng obligasyon at dumepende totally sa yo financially. much more if you're not that financially stable yet. i got teary-eyed once when i was on my way home because of this burden. but we care for the kid. so upon reaching home, all i did was to ask her for a hug. pampa-lift up ng spirit and pang-relieve na rin ng bigat na dinadala. "halika nga sissy, payakap nga." and true enough, nakakagaan nga.
haaay, the burden of parenting when you're yet single. kamusta naman.
***
i'm happy with my job. for now. ang medyo tumutulak lang saken to consider going abroad is the gawddang money! and kng wala lang sana kameng pinapaaral, i'll be doing just fine with my salary. pero that's not the case. meron na ngayon so cost-cutting ka muna ha. wala munang impulsive buys. wala munang mga "ok lng" or "pwede na" na mga gamit/damit. dapat kung may bibilhin ka man, dapat yung talagang gustung-gusto mo lng na tipong sa pagtulog e dinadala mo pa rin.
cost-cutting muna ha. cost-cutting muna, dear.
