thoughts on the last hump day of May 2012

realized just now that doing this thing is like climbing a "palosebo" - getting the flag isn't easy.  either the pole is too high or i'm just not efficient.  but other people can do it.  so maybe it's the latter.  i dunnoh.  i dunnoh anymore.  all i know is that i'm tired of trying. :(

musings

if i were to go back in time and have to re-live my life, there are two things i would have done.  first is i would choose "wolverine" instead of "alpha".  maybe i'd be living now the life i've been dreaming of lately - a family of my own in the land down under, safe and secure with him.  second is i would pursue my degree as my career.  then i would still be in the IT world but not as a buyer or an account manager, but as a developer or a systems analyst.  or siguro kahit yung number 1 lang magawa ko e masaya na ko.  okay na ko.  

tama nga talaga.  your choices at the present define your future.  and if only i'd chosen so well.  well, maybe i'll just have to accept the present as it is and take comfort in the fact that there's really a reason for everything.  i just hope and pray to God that where i am now is still the path He wants me to take.  i'm taking comfort in the fact that as a child of God, He will never let me go astray, that wherever this road is going or however this road will end, it will still lead me to His perfect plan.

but in spite of all that, still i can't help but to wonder what life would have been like had i done things differently.  i had let go of someone so special...the one whom anybody could refer to as "the one that got away."  yeah, he could have been the one.

now i'm faced squarely with the reality that whatever happens to your life, be it good or bad, is because of the choices we made.  we can never, EVER, point a finger to anyone or anything, even fate, but our own selves.  fate just throws us options but it is still us who decide.

now i just pray to God that He give me wisdom in decision-making...'coz obviously, it's not just a low score i get to get in that subject, but a failed grade. :(

Lovin' BORA.....the second time around

it was ages since i last checked on my multiply account.  i opened it a while ago just so i could send a message to someone via multiply.  message sent.  but then i got curious on what my posts were that time, or should i say, pictures.  so i did a li'l browsing.  and that little browsing paved way to cherishing my past.  this is what i liked best on keeping an online journal, or even an online album - you won't have a hard time taking a peek at your past.  just one click and you're good!  that's why i hated, abhorred, despised (and all hate words you could think of) the friendster for wiping out my past since May 2005 to September 2007 by deleting friendster blogs!  huhuhuhuhu.  anyway, enough of that.

i'll take you this time to 2008.  the time i revisited the ever-famous bora.  but lemme correct what i had written there.  it's 2003 and not 2002 that we first visited the place.  click the link below.  have fun!


Lovin' Bora the second time around

p.s. hmmmm....maybe i should maximize the use of my multiply account again.  i remember signing up in there 'coz it's the best way to keep photos and the easiest way to upload pics.  yeah, from now, i'll upload all my travel pics there.  stay tuned!  :)

Sleepless not in Seattle, but in Antipolo

random thoughts -- my late-night visitors.

nights these past couple of months, i can say, were nightmares.  the more i try hard to sleep, the more i stay awake.  the more i push the thoughts away, the more they come rushing in.  just random thoughts about the future from tomorrow to 2 or so years from now, about the past from yesterday all the way down to childhood, about the present from 45 minutes past midnight to 46 minutes to 47 and so on.  i've thought of just about everything!  from thoughts about what i wrote on a slumbook when i was a first-grader to thoughts about the job interview that is still yet to happen.  from thoughts about the persons that had come and gone in my life to thoughts of the mistakes and the lessons learned.  from thoughts of dreaming and succeeding to thoughts of future conversations to thoughts that happened to thoughts that should've happened and to thoughts that didn't even happen!  tell me something and maybe i had thought of it, too!  haha!  imagine that?!?!?

i just dunnoh why my mind functions so fast at a time when it should be resting.  a couple of my relatives advised me to take iron supplement 'coz most prolly i got a low blood.  "low bloods" have a hard time sleeping.  or so they say.  alright, so maybe a low-blood zombie i am.  what the heck!  and suddenly a thought struck me.  i was anemic, or maybe still am.  and if that anemia will worsen to leukemia, and the latter will turn into death, then maybe i'll finally have the good night's sleep that i've been deprived of for weeks!  morbid thought, ain't it?  told you, thoughts just continue to rush in, even morbid thoughts.  bull.

oh, Lord, pls. make me sleep now.  i wanna sleep.  i need to.
ha!  those are my most often-used words lately.

so there.  my late-night status on Jan. 22, that turned 23 just a few minutes after.

While You Were Sleeping

"i planned to marry peter, but married jack instead. thank goodness my father was right. life doesn't always turn out the way you plan.
.......
Peter once asked me when i fell in love with jack. and i told him, "it was while you were sleeping."

if you were able to watch the movie "While You Were Sleeping," you know what the above quote is all about. haaaay. nice lines from nice love stories. i love quoting them all.

often, we want the kind of life we dreamed it to be, like what career we want to pursue or, just like in the movie, who we want to spend the rest of our life with. but sometimes, something happens just in between....and out of the way. and sometimes, we end up being more grateful that "life doesn't always turn out the way we plan."

i remember what i had read in ODB. the stagecoach story. there's this kid who fervently asked his mom for this particular stagecoach for a Christmas gift. he threw tantrums and begged more like a normal kid does until his mom said, "uhmmmm, let's see." he knew then that he'd get what he wants. so come Christmas. he opened his gift and was confident of what he's going to find inside. sure enough, the stagecoach that he'd asked for came into view. he was sooo happy until his brother told him, "asking for THAT stagecoach was the dumbest thing you did. mom actually bought you a bigger one but since you heartily asked for that, she exchanged the bigger stagecoach for that smaller one." and his happiness fades.

too bad that most of the time, what we think is best for us isn't really what's best. there's something better than the best we have in mind. we thank God for answering our prayers with a YES, but there are times too, that we also have to thank Him for the UNANSWERED ones.  after all, He's the one who knows best.

allow me to share to you certain lines from one of my favorite Christian songs.

"God is too wise to be mistaken

 God is too good to be unkind

 So when you don't understand

 When you don't see His plan

 When you can't trace His hand

 TRUST HIS HEART"

He loves us so much He just wants the best for us.  All we have to do is trust His heart.  Ain't that cool?