deliverance: my birthday wish

ask for wisdom and not deliverance. yan ang sabi ng pastor namen kapag may pagsubok daw na dumating sa buhay. parang yung hiningi ni king solomon kay Lord noon. wisdom.

masunurin naman akong bata. pero minsan, tumataliwas rin. at isa ito sa mga "minsan" na yun.

i've been facing this for 9 years, more or less. and i think that i've gained enough wisdom within that long span of time. hindi naman po siguro masama Lord kung hingin ko naman ang deliverance kahit para lang sa aspetong ito. i think 9 years is enough. kahit pa-birthday Mo na sa 'kin.

it saddens me, in a way. asking for deliverance from this. because for 9 years, i actually have been asking for it. and i know how to take no for an answer. and so deliverance is the right thing to ask this time. it's the only route that's right. i know. and i know You know it, too.

so, though teary-eyed, for deliverance i pray.

rainy days and lovelife

ahhhh...coldness, coldness. i love this kind of atmosphere. the kind of feel a storm or a rain leaves behind. medyo mahangin, malamig, at may makikita ka na kahit pano na sikat ng araw sa likod ng grayish na ulap. this is one of the few occasions when i would want myself to have a looong, long walk. be it alone or with a relative/friend you love to have a chat with. and share your laughters. tama na saken ung maramdaman ko yung dampi ng malamig na hangin sa mukha and sa katawan ko sa ilalim ng hinde mainit na araw. and ma-enjoy ang not-so-often na ganung klaseng panahon. parang baguio on ber months. ahhhh, sarap.

that feel is exactly the atmosphere right now. but i couldn't have the long walk i've been dreaming of. i'm here stuck inside the office, slightly petiks, listening to the old love songs an officemate is playing (na hinde ko naman type pakinggan sa ngayon, kse nasa mode ako ng alternative today), and yeah, doing blogging in between inquiries and quotations. namimiss ko tuloy ang mag-blog ng tutok sa pagbo-blog lng.

anyways, pray ko lng e sana ma-extend ang "remnants" ng bagyong helen until over the weekends. so i'd have the time to enjoy it. and not just dream about it. sure, masarap mag-dream. pero mas masarap pa rin tlga if yung dreams mo e nangyayari din in reality.

***
blogging makes me think of and miss a lot of things. my solite friends, going night-outs, staying over a friend's house, videoke, malling, jazel, jovil and josh and our Sunday routine -- going to church and malling afterwards or watching a movie, -- the things we (me and my first batch of solite friends) do in the office when the bitchy boss is not around, and yes, i confess i also miss having a lovelife. and before this becomes an issue, i'd like to clear that it's the lovelife itself that i miss and not necessarily the ex. they're two different things.

i want real love this time. not the one built by empty words, lies and broken promises. now, will that ever come to me?

aaaahh, rainy days and after-the-rain days just make me wonder of a lot of things. kung lahat lang sana ng lovelife e blossomed on the grounds of true love noh? sarap siguro ng buhay....

at the moment

sleepy. petiks. in need of cash. hungry. craving for wendy’s burger and frost. thinking about the soon-to-be renovation of the bathroom -- what color combination and style. wanting to go back to bora and wanting my whole family to be with me this time. dreaming, for the nth time, for an slr camera. wanting my mug back. wanting to buy a nice pair of shoes to match the new office uniform. thinking about the maong skirt and the yellow shirt that i just bought -- when will i use them. laughing at an officemate’s joke. wanting to go to some place i haven’t gone to yet. missing the feeling of being in love. missing talking with a guy over the phone for hours. giving up yet still dreaming for the real thing (anubayun?!?!). missing my sister jazel and her family. missing being with them. hoping for a mid-year bonus.

this is me at 2:35PM this 2nd day of july 2008.