still a lifetime away

they often say that how you start the week got something to do on how your whole week will go. and most of us consider monday as the first day of the week. so like when you arrive late in your office on a monday, most likely is that you'll be late on the succeeding days as well.

anyways, my experience so far this week didn't prove that. my monday was a blast. a whole lotta fun and story-sharing. dj, a very close friend back in HS, came back from Au and we had a little get-together. me, ar, dj and rj. we weren't able to contact the others. anyways, we spent dinner at grilla then coffee at starbucks afterwards. my close friends often say that im a camwhore, makulet and madaldal. and as the saying goes, birds of the same feather flock together. so what you guys would expect of dj? hehe. get the point?

so the camwhores did some pictorial galore, not to mention chikka galore. haha.





thanks dj for the time, treat, stories and great company. thanks also rj, our official (and patient) photographer. hehe. thanks ar, for sharing the night with moi.

we shared stories til 1:20am, parted at 'round 1:30. got home at 2:15 and slept at 3am.

then came tuesday. still sleepy from the night before. work, work, work and more work. i was in the robotic mode again. ung antok na antok ka pa, blangko ang utak pero tuluy-tuloy pa rin sa pag-work. kabisado mo na ang gagawin kaya ung kilos mo e automatic na. parang de-susing robot. ganun.

then came the uwian, yahooooo! and then there he was, the avid su!+0r. again. i wasn't in the mood to talk. i just wanna rest. i wanna be alone, for the first time. and yet there he was. argh! siguro kung type mo rin ung tao, matutuwa ka pa. stress reliever yun pag ganun. otherwise, dagdag stress lng. so i was moooore stressed on the way home. i don't wanna go into details why kase mare-refresh na naman ung memory ko of that uber stressful day.

so opinion ko na lng muna. mabait naman sya eh. and serious into "this" thing. pero mahirap lng siguro tlaga na diktahan mo ung puso mo kung ano ang dapat nitong maramdaman kung wla naman tlgang nararamdaman. di ba?!?! you can't force yourself or tell your heart to "feel something" kung zero naman tlga. kalokohan un! malaking kalokohan. so i told him that i can only offer friendship. willing naman daw sya maghintay, he'll take it step-by-step, blah-blah-blah...

e pano kung walang mabago sa feelings ko? pano kung ayoko din tlgang may mabago? i don't wanna settle with someone i have no feelings for just to say that im in a relationship again...at umasa na baka may tumubong feelings eventually. ewan ko nga ba kung pano nagagawa ng iba un eh. ako kase hinde. hinde ko kaya.

im happy being unattached and somehow the contentment being not in a relationship scares me. in a way. kase naiisip ko na baka masyado kong makuntento and maging masaya and then i'd end up a spinster someday. but i'd really rather be like that than to wake up in the morning beside the person you still have to learn to love. gosh! ampanget naman na love story nun noh. can't even call it one. kase ang love, nararamdaman, hinde iniisip. emosyon at hinde knowledge na kailangan mong i-absorb. pero that doesn't mean pa rin na pag nag-love ka e di ka na rin dapat nag-iisip ha. ibang kaso un.

pag nagmahal ka, puso yung pumipintig. pag utak yung pumintig, hinde love yun, malamang nag-eexam ka lang. haha! lol.

the clock is ticking and yet my dream seems still like a lifetime away. hay....pressure.

break it to him gently

if someone you have absolutely no feelings for, as in no nothing (like i said "walang kilig," "walang kaba"), is sort of courting you, how are you supposed to treat him? be the snob-and-kinda-mean person that you usually donned back in college (to turn him off) or be the nice person that you really are?

how are you going to break it to him gently when he's not even asking you how you feel? how can you even say that friendship is all that you can give without sounding too assuming?

if he's only your type, the setup would definitely be an A-okay. if you have even a little spark, the meetings would be something you look forward to. but what if it's not?!?! damned not?!??

haaay, i hate hurting other people's feelings. consciously or unconsciously. i love people making happy. i love making them smile. and if only i could always make them feel that way....